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Friday, August 12, 2011

People will do anything to not feel lonely

I think its crazy the lengths people will go to not feel lonely. My dad meets a girl and the next week they are living together. He just broke up with his last girlfriend! People are so desperate sometimes. Now hes all upset because he doesn't think its going to work out.

I.want.to.have.a.real.relationship.

One that is true and genuine love. One that makes me want to write Dakotah loves "__" all over my papers. One that makes me jump on Oprah Winfreys couch. One that Taylor Swift can write a song about! One that makes me feel like an 80s teenage love movie!

I felt that with my first love. I wanted to do all of those things. It was true and innocent. It was real and it was strong. It is still there. That love will always be there and sometimes I wonder if I will ever experience a love like that again in my life.

Right now I feel so lost. My life is going by so fast. Time is speeeeeeeeding up.

I dont know what I should be doing.. Ive never felt so lost.

I listen to sad songs just to throw myself into a sadder mood. I hang out with friends but the whole time Im think of how shitty my life is and how I would rather be sitting home alone listening to sad Elton John and Coldyplay records.

Im not changing my life. Im simply floating by. I secretly love where im at and I also secretly hate it. I feel so many emotions and im capable of so many things yet my feet are stuck in the ground. Im too afraid to grow up. I think im going to end up like Peter Pan. Sometimes I feel like im going to die early. I dont know why. I want to live forever. I want to live. I want to live. I have so much life in me. I dont want to miss out on anything.

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